This is the episode I have been dreading beyond my wildest dreams. I don't do well with Christmas. I don't do well at all. I cry more than smile because it just isn't a good time for me.

Also, I am seriously considering whther or not I will watch this ep of Supernatural. I just can't do it. I don't know.

I just read the sides for it. Just so I'd see what might happen and everything. And I'm crying.

So there's the answer I guess.

*hugs flist*

I swear I'm a Sam!girl...but I mean, come on!

( just one thing about tonight's episode )

title: ready to breathe.
author:he_will_save_me aka Aurielle
rating: PG-13
genre death!fic, Gen
pairing: None
summary:He’d have to let Dean go because that’s what you do. You let people leave who have to leave.
word count: less than 800
warnings: dead!Dean, angsty!Sammy
author’s note: I get really angsty when I’m depressed so sorry if you have to pull out tissues.
additional notes: at the end of the story.
disclaimer: This is lies, fiction, the definition of ‘not real’.
feedback: The single most orgasmic thing on the planet.
betas/handholders: boheme06 and jenniferkaos without whom I would be up sh!t creek without a paddle. Thanks girls!

_

Sam sits in the driver’s seat as he stares at Dean in the rearview mirror. He hadn’t taken his eyes off him in the two hours since his heart stopped except to watch the road as he drives.

cross-posted to spn_dark_vault, to sam_support, and to hwsm_addict(my fiction/graphics community)

++32 icons from Skin

Teaser:

just	a	tease

Skin icons located here.

++31 icons from Something Wicked

Teaser:

just	a	tease

Something Wicked icons located here.

I found this on YouTube and all my SPN fanlisters will love it. It's called Supernatural: A Ten Minute Buffet of Awesome..

You owe it to yourself to watch it.

Ok, so I am feeling better today, even though I had a most terrible dream. It was a killer attacking my family. And it woke me up this morning. But I recognized who it was after I woke up. It was definitely one of the creatures from Supernatural. I think it was the guy from Roadkill. Which sucks but whatever. I'm alive, yay! LOL And a big thank you to kgb666000, I ♥ Kiernan. He's awesome and he made me smile a million times last night.

List 5 things about yourself not everyone knows, and tag 5 others to do the same.

1. I watch Supernatural more than any other show or movie.
2. I find women attractive and delicate, but nothing makes me happier than when I see a dirty, sweaty, hard-working man. Preferably under the hood of a car. But saving the world or killing demons is fun too.
3. My boyfriend reminds me of Sam Winchester, and I love that. Because as nice as Dean is, I wanna settle down one day. I'm very Sam myself. After all, I love porn!! *haha*
4. I think George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio are unattractive and without personalities that I find intriguing. Meaning I think they are boring. *ducks*
5. I sometimes believe that I'm CatWoman and my boyfriend is Batman. Or Gail and Dwight from Sin City. The whole badass couple thing is something we talk about all the time. He's certainly my Caped Crusader. He looks great in that leather jacket..
6. BONUS: I'm in love with Tom Welling. Love, seriously.

I tag: bitchygrrl, _charon, moondropz, obselizabeth, dotty23. *waves*

I'm working on this new video with mostly evil!Sammy or mad!Sammy. I'm using 'Lose Control' by Missy Elliot. I was getting tired of all the mullet rock. But soon I want to make another vid with that music. But this time around, I'm using hip hop. *wink* I've only done about a minute and a half. But if someone could look at it and tell me if they would like to see it completed, that would be much appreciated.

http://www.zshare.net/video/losecontrol_sam_0001-wmv.html

I swear James and I are on a roll. He just basically wanted to cuddle and just be together tonight. And when we were making plans, he just made my day. He says,"Let's just sit and cuddle and watch all your episodes of Supernatural that you taped." *giggle swoon* Seriously!! We watched Croatoan, Hunted, Nightshifter, Houses of the Holy, and Born Under A Bad Sign. I have all the shows from this season except Bloodlust, because I forgot to set my VCR. *guh* Anyways, we watched the only these episodes before we got tired so we just cuddled after we watched evil!Sammy be thwarted.

I called him Sammy. And he likes that. Dean is great and all, but Sam will settle down before Dean even utters the word commitment. And James' hair is even starting to do this Sammy thing. Its getting kinda long. Hopefully he'll try the long look again for a while.

*goes to sleep dreaming about her Jammy* By the way, my new ringtone is Renegade by Styx.

Damn evil!Sammy just stole my heart away. Now that's the Sammy I'd love to make freaky naughty dirty filthy messy shaggin with.

And of course, hurt!Dean was all up and around this episode. It looked like Dean was just run over by Sammy.

And Yay, Jo is back!!(faked fangirling)

I hope I have some evil!Sammy dreams tonight.

Two things made today great, and the last few days worth living through.

::Watching Sorority Boys with Michael Rosenbaum. Mike in drag, so worth watching. Mike with hair, so cute. Damn that man and his immense sexiness.

::Watching the Director's Cuts for the new episode of SPN. Mmm, Sammy is so damn hot when he's amnesiac and mad...hot damn!

*runs off to watch the director's cut again*

1. If you could ask Kripke one question about the show and have it answered, what would it be?
I would be asking him if had to pick one of the monsters/mythologies he thinks he would want to take on and have his own character in the show, what would it be? OR If we could bring back John, would it be in spirit or in the flesh as an immortal?
2. How do you think Sam and Dean's morals are defined? And what are they?
I think Sam's morals tend to stem from not having a mother, he goes by the book most of the time. Not saying he's predictable, just that he is a good boy, besides having a million fake IDs and stealing the cars those times but he is basically the boy you take home to Mama. Dean's morals are as follows: have fun, have fun, save the world. He does what he needs to but always takes time out of his busy schedule to make fun of Sam for being a girl, have sex with the resident hottie, and massage his car in that almost weird way.
3. During Provenance, we see that Sam is very reluctant to start any relationships, because he's afraid that the people around him will get hurt. Do you think his thoughts on this topic has changed since then? If they have, do you think they've made him even more cautious, or more relaxed?
I think he has become even more cautious lately. Because of his impending evilness, he probably feels like he can't even get too close to his brother anymore, afraid he might hurt anyone in his path. You could see it in his face, in Playthings. He just couldn't take it anymore and got drunk, which I don't think we've even seen thus far in the series..have we? Anyway, I'm almost positive that he will try something with someone just even for a moment. But will probably end up not doing anything about it.
4. We see in second season that while the mothers of some "chosen" kids died in a fire, others remain alive and healthy. Why do you think this is so? And how do you think the demon chooses who stays alive and who dies?
I think the demon knows how the death of the mother will affect the child in the long run. Since we see that only some of them have brothers and sisters, the demon probably wants to have the child feel incredibly guilty for being chosen and having the mother stolen from both children... But this is just my own thing. I've only been watching since Simon Says..so yeah.
5. If it came down to it, do you think Dean will be able to keep the promise he made to Sam and kill his brother?
As hard as it will be, I think Dean may be able to do it. He almost killed his father when the demon overtook him. But to Dean, Sammy is the most perfect little brother anyone can ask for. Poor baby would probably kill himself after hurting his brother..which I do not want to see at all. But I think Dean would want to keep the promise to both his Dad and Sammy. I'm so sad for him to make that choice though.

The show was very good tonight.

I miss Gordon, though. *runs from rabid fangirls*
I stayed home to watch it with Mom, my best fangirl friend.
She won't say it, but she loves Sammy. She likes tall boys.
So if it came to it, I would have to fight my mom for Sammy love.

It could be worse, I could be fighting James for Sammy... Eww.

I finally saw the promo for next week's Supernatural!! And yes, I'm ecstatic. It seems that Sam will turn evil! That's my dream. Sorry, fangirls of SPN. I love puppy!Sammy but I love it when he yells and sounds like a monster. It's sexy. And it makes Dean back down when he's being an idiot. And Gordon is back!! Yes, I love Gordon, sorry once again fangirls of SPN! I loved him in Bloodlust and thought he and Dean were almost OTP. But of course, Dean/John/Sam are OT3. But Gordon is attractive to me, and so is Dean and I think a little something something could have happened in that motel room. When Sam was being all touched and prodded. Poor Sammy, but obviously Dean looks up to Gordon in some weird Sugar Daddy kind of way.

Anyway, yay for SPN next week, I can't wait to see Gordon and hear that sexy voice.

So I watched Supernatural with James last night. I'm not sure he liked it. I tried my best to keep my fangirling subdued. It was so fucking hard. I just wanted to jump inside the TV and kinda rape the boys. Thank god thats impossible... But yeah he wasn't really into it. Probably because he doesn't care about supernatural events, family dramas, cute boys, or '67 Chevy Imapalas. Can't hate him for it. But Thursday nights at 9, I'm gonna be watching Spn, if he wants to join, he's more than welcome. But I think I'll be watching alone. We actually didnt do much else..he wasn't interested in watching that HBO special Real Sex so we watched other stuff, stumbled upon Sky Captain. And we watched because James has an unspoken crush on Jude Law. Don't tell him I said that. LOL.

Something funny my little brother said the other day..We were watching the video I made for SPN, he likes to see what I do for the show, graphics and otherwise. Well, he was looking at the one clip I used from HOME. And he watched how big Jensen's eyes got when the psychic woman was talking to him, and Alex [my little brother] said, "When Dean has his eyes like that, he looks like that chicken from Chicken Run.." Hilarious!! Because now when I watch it, I totally see it. That's great. I love when Alex opens my eyes to that stuff.